Archive for » January, 2009 «

Friday, January 16th, 2009 | Author:

I like the word “assassination.”

The definition of the word is unclear.
Someone has to actively decide if this is just a normal murder or if this crosses some magical line and becomes an assassination.
The original meaning probably had something to do with a murder for political or ideological reasons… but its meaning has seemed to change.

Reagan had an “assassination” attempt but his attempted killer had no political or ideological reason. He just wanted to impress Jodie Foster. Someone must’ve felt that Reagan is worth a damn and someone tried to kill him so that’s an assassination attempt. The same could be said of Martin Luther King Jr. whose killer’s motivations do not seem to be for ideological or political reasons either. But if you lead a civil rights movement and someone kills you dead.. you’ve been assassinated son!  The book & film, The Assassination of Jesse James are calling his death an “assassination” when the Ford brothers seemed to want to kill him just for the money and fame. Again, someone felt Jesse James was important enough and just got upgraded to assassination!

But if you are a C-list celebrity.. say Carson Daly… and someone kills Carson because his ideological beliefs that talk show hosts with no personality are destroying this nation…. no one would call that an assassination. So someone who is NOT worth a damn but is killed for ideological reasons do not count as assassinations.

So to qualify for “assassination”  it seems you must be someone of importance who gets killed but not necessarily for ideological or political reasons.

This means that if you are a nameless hobo for suburban housewives to practice murder on…. you’re always just going to be “murdered.”

I hope that if I was to be murdered, that someone would bump it up to the first class of murders and call it an assassination.
It instantly dignifies my untimely death …even if I was killed for stupid reasons like not providing Trix to silly rabbits.
It’s important to die dignified. Everyone knows dying with dignity is the only way to die.

I know that blogs continue to exist after their owners are dead.
If you are reading this posthumously because I was murdered, please refer to my death as an “assassination.”
It would help my ego.

Alright..Fine. I might return the favor and call your murder an “assassination” too.
Who’s to say your death is not as important as mine or Abraham Lincoln’s or that nameless hobo housewives use to practice murder on.

We all deserve to be assassinated.

And now somerthing fun for the kids!:

Fun way to memorize how to spell “assassination” :

It couldn’t have been a lone gunman.
It had to at least taken two “ass”es to assassinate Kennedy.

ass ass i nation

Category: Language  | Tags: , ,  | Leave a Comment