Archive for » June, 2009 «

Monday, June 22nd, 2009 | Author:

It really is incredibly easy to bring an Asian person down.
An Asian person can work tirelessly over a course of decades fighting racial stereotypes to claw his way to the top to reach the pinnacle of his/her career addressing millions of people in an awe inspiring speech… but if somewhere in the distance you can hear the oriental riff:

Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo-Doo  Do-Do Do    > GONG <

You know the one… this one:

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That one brief little music riff can tear it all down. All it takes is just 9 music notes.

What other racial stereotype has its own song?
No one knows where its from but everyone knows what it means.
Thousands of years of history, art and culture reduced to a riff.

It’s already bad enough that there’s William Hung.

For more info on the riff…

Within 9 music notes you can completely belittle
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Monday, June 15th, 2009 | Author:

At my previous job there was this lovely receptionist who would deliver a truly pleasant morning greeting accented by a tilt of the head to the right. With a sing-songy adorable chipperness, she’d say “good morning!” and end with a delightful smile after the tilt.
Even if it was a miserable morning — one of those half awake filled with angry grumbling regarding the bitter end to a wonderful weekend — her simple good morning could brighten my spirits and set the tone for the rest of the day. This general warm buttered toasty morning feeling would infectiously spread to others. Even the most hardened bitter anti-morning person would have his heart melted by her sincerity in the greeting. She would do this for the hundreds of people that walked into the building and I wondered how she managed to do this every day without having her head tilt completely off her neck.

This is not what I get at my current job.

This bald headed ass greeter…
No tilt of the head. No pleasantness. Just a cold hearted thud of “good” morning.

But one day, I’m walking behind a middle aged woman and suddenly baldo says with a cheerful aplomb “gooood mooorning!”
then he directs his greet to me…
a curt and dead “goodmring”

this gave me pause but I didn’t think too much about it.
But then I started to notice this consistently would occur if ever I walked in with a woman in front of me.

That’s when I realize that shinyhead might not be an equal opportunity greeter.
I started suspecting that potatohead is either a sexist, racist or just doesn’t like me in particular.
I started purposely trying to speed or slow my walking speed to time it just right so that when we pass in front of El Baldo I could see how he greeted the other person and compare it to how he does it for me.

One time, I noticed a middle age white male with a bluetooth headset stuck in his ear and his lunch pale being dragged behind him on wheels like luggage.
this guy from just outward appearance should be a douche. C’mon! Look at him!
I sped my walk.
Sure enough… he got an enthusiastic warm onion bagel “good morning” and I got a moldy english muffin for breakfast.

I would think that since he’s already in the giving of a pleasant greeting, that this would affect his next greeting and I would be able to catch some pleasantness from this rising tide lifting all boats.
But no.

So the fact he treated a man with a delicious morning greeting suggests that maybe he’s not sexist. So maybe he’s a racist…

I’m not completely sure on this one. I need to speed my walk behind some more minorities before I can know for sure.

There is the other possibility. Maybe he just doesn’t like me…
but he doesn’t even know me! We’ve never talked!

So I figure… maybe if I change my demeanour when I respond with my “good morning.” I will make a heartfelt attempt to cheerfully respond to his dead morning greeting with a pleasant good morning.
Maybe I could drop whatever vinegar I’m producing and honey him into liking me.

So far no nothing.

One day…

one day…

I’m just gonna explode on him. Dramatically point at his bald head and accuse him of his sexist, racist greetings.
Then start laying punches into his bald head and screaming,”GOOD MORNING, motherfucker! GOOD MORNING! GOOD MORNING!! GOOD MORNING!!! GOOD MORNING!!!!!!!!”

…so much power in two words.

Thursday, June 04th, 2009 | Author:

Human biological aberrations like conjoined twins (commonly known as Siamese twins) make me feel uncomfortable.
The idea of your jerkass sibling growing on you…. always borrowing your organs and getting all the girls.
I understand that they are people two… I mean too.

But they make me …. it’s just … uhgghg *shudder* uggggh

But I’m sitting in front of the tube and popping cherries in my mouth when I notice that the cherry between my fingers has a conjoined twin. I pause for a second, expecting to be disturbed.

Photo by HarlanH


Photo by hfabulous

Instead, I eat it and find it to be delicious and convenient. Two cherries for the price of one, only makes it all the more delicious.
Some of them even look like cute little butts.
I want to eat an entire bag comprised only of mutant cherries.


Photo by Esthr

Photo by YoungThousands

But I can do without bagfuls of human conjoined twins.
I just know that I’d end up only liking one of the twins.
“Yeah… I like him alright… it’s just his brother is such a dick. I wish he wouldn’t hang around him so much.”
The two for one deal just doesn’t apply.

Maybe I would feel differently, if I got into cannibalism.

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