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Tuesday, October 21st, 2008 | Author:

Its easy to go about your day without any regard to the small creatures all around us; to go about your humdrum existence and worries about the economy, love and sausages.

But there’s always something that makes me stop dead in my tracks and spark my curiosity and wonder about this world. Thoughts about how magical and beautiful the world can be, like that stupid guy who films dancing plastic bags in the movie American Beauty. ”

And that something is..

Spiders.

Now that we’ve scared away the girls…

They’re just amazing!

If I have the time, I enjoy sitting for a half-hour and watching a spider perform the architectural marvel of creating a web.

If you’re lucky, you’ll see a morning dew encrusted web. When the morning sun hits it right its simply brilliant.

I wonder how they ever developed this design.
Do they realize how brilliant and intricate it is?
How could they be aware of redundancy and if it is structurally sound?
How could they possibly evolve this talent?
Did somehow some pre-arachnid shoot out some sticky snot that food got caught in?
Why didn’t humans evolve web making abilities because I shoot out lots sticky stuff?

Often, after sharing my time with the spider, I come back home and chastise the daddylong legs I see living in the basement.

I say, “Go outside and look it what your arachnid brothers are doing! You need to get your act together instead of these slapdash webs you be shooting out!”
Usually they try and vibrate fast on their so-called webs to avoid me, thinking I can’t see the thin-legged bums. Oh, I see them!

Even under the influence of drugs, spiders manage to get a web going (even if slightly more creative than usual).

AND STILL better than a daddy long leg’s web!
Although who knows what happens with long term spider drug abuse.

I’ve become slightly obsessed over this flash-based spider game called “Arachnophilia” where the programmer manages to somewhat realistically simulate the life of a spider. You build your own spider web (using whatever design you want) and you collect bugs, birds and bats. Its very challenging, but you eventually figure out that the marijuana influenced web design is not the best.

I still find them amazing even after being bitten by one. My several weeks of uncontrollable spewing pus has only deepened my admiration for them.

Maybe instead of spiders I should be like that creepy American Beauty guy and find beauty in trash that blows in the wind. After all, the creepy guy gets the girl in the movie.

All I’ve done here is give nightmares to women and bought myself more nights of loneliness.

But I don’t care.

They’re just too damn amazing.

Especially when I whack at them with a tennis racket, stomp on its body and watch it die in its own juices.

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